Hadiza, the wife of Nasir el-Rufai, the former governor of Kaduna state, says she never planned to be in a polygamous marriage.
Her comments came in response to a trending social media
debate about polygamy, sparked by a lawyer’s announcement of taking a second
wife.
In a detailed X post, Hadiza said she was raised in a
monogamous home, while her husband came from a polygamous family.
The 65-year-old said when they married, she expected a
monogamous union, though they never explicitly discussed it.
The former Kaduna first lady explained that the shift to
polygamy was her husband’s decision. She said, however, that she chose to stay
in the marriage. She said they married under Islamic law, which allows a woman
to leave if she returns the dowry.
“My husband was raised in a polygamous family, while I, by
contrast, grew up in a monogamous one. When we agreed to get married, I
envisaged a monogamous marriage, even though the subject was never discussed.
Now I find myself in a polygamous marriage, not by choice initially, but
subsequently by choice,” she added.
A few days ago, the hot topic on social media was polygamy. Allow me to add my two cents (two kobos?) to the discourse.
— Hadiza Isma El-Rufai (@hadizel) January 25, 2026
There are several types of marriages that are being practised around the world. These include monogamy (one man, one wife), polygyny (one man, two or more…
“I say ‘not by choice initially’ because the transformation
of our marriage from a monogamous one to a polygamous one was my husband’s
choice and not mine. I say ‘subsequently by choice’ because deciding to remain
in the marriage was my choice and nobody else’s.
“We got married under Islamic law, and under that law, a
woman reserves the right to opt out of a marriage, even without giving a
reason. One condition, though, is that she must return the dowry that was paid
to her. (Could that have influenced my decision to stay? Because, frankly, by
that time, I don chop my dowry clean mouth (lol).”
Hadiza said she chose to focus on making the best of her
reality and also went on to list what she described as some advantages of
polygamy for a first wife.
She also pointed out that she believes that polygamy
actually does not benefit a man in any way.
“Anyway, jokes apart, it is often said that ‘when life gives
you lemons you make lemonade’, and that’s what I’ve tried to do. I decided to
look at the good side of things. Let me list below some of the advantages of
polygamy for a first wife: you’ll have more time to focus on your career, your
interests and do what you’ve always wanted to do,” she added.
“You’ll have more time for your children, if you, like me,
are of the same age as your husband, and you’ve both started experiencing the
signs of old age, you won’t be expected to rub his back. Because who will rub
yours? The wahala of in-laws will be divided and shared.
“By contrast, however, apart from one thing, I cannot think
of any advantage of polygamy for a man. But then again, I understand that that
one thing is very important. Really, at the end of the day, it is: ‘To Each His
Own’. Let’s keep striving to be happy. We only have one life to live.”
Hadiza married el-Rufai in 1985, and he has three other
wives.
He also married Asia Ahmad el-Rufai in August 1999, while Aisha Garba became his third wife in November 2010. El-Rufai’s fourth wife is Aichatou Assabe Djibril el-Rufai, whom he married in December 2020.
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